December 2010
this morning i dreamed david spade yelled at my brother. chad got embarrassed or mad or something and hurried off and i got mad at david spade for being mean and we had a fight. in conclusion, i chose my brother over a boy. i think that means i grew up. :)
feeling of impending doom = tummyache :(
writing a script based on awful memories is no good for the self esteem. or the heart.
feeling unwanted is right up there with regrets and not being good enough.
watching the girl with the dragon tattoo movies makes me feel like a huge creep bc i am very much like lisbeth salander. except for the rapes and murders. just that i can find out anything about any boy i want. and my memories make my tum hurt.
freshman year of college this really weird boy liked me. he was friends with the girl who liked me. and he used to cut himself and one day he IMed me and said he was gonna cut himself or something and then i felt bad so i went to go try to cheer him up even though i didnt like him. i think that was the day he held my hand and i was so over telling him to fuck off that i just gave up and let...
yesterday i was driving through pasadena and there was a hipster boy on a bicycle next to me. apparently the rose bowl is soon? so traffic was stupid so me and this boy were next to each other for a while. which made me think that if i didnt have a boyfriend and if i were as crazy as i used to be, running a boy over might be a good way to meet him. it probably wouldnt hurt really since i was...
this one boy i dated wore his belt to the side instead of the front and i thought that made him so much more attractive. but really it was just weird.
its also awesome when youre out with a boy and a girl you know he used to do is there and she approaches him when he is with you and ignores you and tries to talk to him but hes not interested because he knows she is crazy so you get to act all ‘he is going home with me so there’
also, a really awesome thing about the internet is that you can find blogs of girls who boys left you for and read their initial lust for the boy — this one girl in particular really angered me a few years ago when she wrote something like ‘went and read by the lake, since i was in the area :)’ i dont know why that bothered me so much but it did — and the rapid decline of...
since i always get dumped for girls who are hair stylists, sometimes i go to their salon and get my hair did so i can do the spying on them.
put them in their place.
i dont like when boyfriend is out of town. not one bit.
unless he brings me back a bunny. then its ok.
“i never loved him, not for a day.”
– in treatment
“10. even if you’re ONLY forcing yourself to get a lot of shit done to avoid...”
– imboycrazy thats how i got through fsu!
that boy in high school that i creeped on, his girlfriend had an underbite and talked with a lisp. and he liked her more than me.
great. thanks.
i always got anxiety when boys sent me a picture of himself in that moment when it was downloading. wondering if it will be a good picture or a bad picture and then if its a bad picture what will i say? ahhhh
its almost as bad as getting a shitty present.
my movie based on my awkward experiences with boys will be done soon. hopefully this week.
“you hit me once
i hit you back
you gave a kick
i gave a slap
you smashed a...”
– florence and the machine
if hes touching you, he must like you at least a little bit. right?
christmas always makes me lonely because i always get dumped or get into fights with my current boy over the holidays. i suppose its a ‘while the cats away the mice will play’ sort of thing, but i dont like it and even if nothing bad is happening currently (like now, i hope) i still get a bad feeling around christmas of impending doom because thats whats always happened and i dont...
myspace message november 29 2004 from justin
“ever hear of clausewitz? my dad has a fellowship at miami university for international something or other but hes a col in the air force who just got out of war school.. i find that stuff really awesome to read about, you should look up clausewitz if you already havent, hes like the western sun tzu, anyways… your cute! and i like your...
october 2008
my best is awesome:
caseystrikesback (10:20:56 AM): anything bad happen
best (10:22:13 AM): 2 more guys died outside the wire.
caseystrikesback (10:25:03 AM): dang
best (10:25:18 AM): what are you black
caseystrikesback (10:25:33 AM): hahahaha
caseystrikesback (10:25:35 AM): i love you
best (10:25:48 AM): i know
caseystrikesback (10:28:13 AM): dont die i need you
best (10:28:14 AM):...
june 1 2006
getting dumped online:
caseystrikesback (10:21:49 PM): are you ever going to come over blah (10:21:56 PM): I’m in Stoughton caseystrikesback (10:22:09 PM): i knwo
caseystrikesback (10:24:37 PM): i menat like soon blah (10:24:44 PM): If I can caseystrikesback (10:25:11 PM): whats wrong blah (10:25:16 PM): I don’t know caseystrikesback (10:25:34 PM): what did i do blah (10:25:43 PM):...
my final film for college was a silent b&w short film about a girl who stalks a boy. it would have been awesome if any of the footage developed. itd be funny to show it as a short before my feature film. and the boy who played the boy was my neighbor with whom i slept with on occasion. but he only starred in it because i was afraid to ask the boy who later became my smelly boyfriend to...
february 24 2009
maybe this is why boys dont like me:
caseystrikesback (10:33:27 PM): i went to mexico today and it ruled
caseystrikesback (10:33:31 PM): and tomorrow i go to san diego
caseystrikesback (10:33:37 PM): then next i go to your house
caseystrikesback (10:33:40 PM): then i kill myself
crash (10:34:31 PM): fucking stop it with the kill myself stuff
caseystrikesback (10:35:08 PM): its gona happen
...
february 16 2009
complaining about one boy to another:
caseystrikesback (8:17:07 PM): why are boys so mean to meeee
crash (8:19:23 PM): what happened?
caseystrikesback (8:19:49 PM): he doesnt care that im leaving and he wont talk to me
caseystrikesback (8:20:16 PM): and it makes me want to die because hes my favorite person in the world
crash (9:04:27 PM): in the entire world?
caseystrikesback (9:04:54 PM):...
august 2009
boy (5:28:24 PM): i went and got tested. it had been a while…
caseystrikesback (5:29:26 PM): gross
boy (5:30:17 PM): well, not that long, jeeez
caseystrikesback (5:31:42 PM): did you give me aids or seomthing
boy (5:36:14 PM): hahaha
boy (5:36:17 PM): jesus no
boy (5:36:20 PM): but thanks
caseystrikesback (5:38:24 PM): then wheres the point of that story
boy (5:38:49 PM): just...
i told crash i loved him?!!??!?!
what the hell is wrong with me.
at least it wasnt like ‘i love you’ it was like ‘love you’ which is more friend-like and less embarrassing. either way, really? dont i ever learn?
“out of all the girls ive dated, i want you to be my friend forever.”
– aha!
april 2010 this boy said this. now he hates me.
i smell a liar.
its weird when youre dating a boy and you realize he reminds you of your dad.
one time when this boy and i broke up it was over winter break from college and we were on the phone and i was in nj and we were arguing and whatnot because he was doing the next semester in london and expected me to wait for him and i was reluctant because there another handsome fella in boston who hung out with me on occasion. so we broke up or finalized said break up or whatever and he was...
i like to blame things on boys’ wives/girlfriends. because no boy would ever not want to talk to me, right?! i mean there must be a girl who is jealous of how incredibly awesome i am and tell the boy he is not allowed to be my friend anymore.
that makes more sense.
it is the worst when someone says he will call you and then doesnt. stupid wife.
“it’s only been a week
but i know that you are mine to keep”
– radar detector
“say you love me now
maybe you will say you love me now
say you love me please...”
– the bomb song
HIS band had this really awesome song that i still get stuck in my head sometimes but i cannot bring myself to listen to it. but the best part is something like this “she said im ready to die. this is the end of my life.”
he also had this one song he wrote when we were hanging out nonstop and the chorus was something like “i dont love you” and i would swear he wrote that...
“
i don’t know where i am
i am so lost
i’m just drifting around
since...”
– next time i get dumped, this is gonna be my song.
darwin deez -bed space
never date anyone you work with and never date anyone who lives in your building because if you are anything like me you will get dumped and then it will be awkward. especially if youre dodging boys at both work and home.
its always tremendously awkward getting/giving presents to your bf. i hate getting/giving presents to anyone/everyone because it is awkward and you have to wait for their reaction and give the correct reaction even if the gift you get is stupid and you dont like it. so i never really liked christmas after i learned the presents were from my parents. so multiply the awkwardness of exchanging...
“4. dna
my dna is running out i am not the guy who makes you smile now
and...”
– darwin deez
i love this song.
i always forget just how massive of a crush i have on jeremy davies. i have since saving private ryan. that is a 13 year long crush. and then his stint on lost brought it back with a vengeance. now i am pretending he will play the teacher or the dad in my movie. i would die. die i say.
i need a favor:
who wants to get engaged so i can go on bridalplasty?!
spying never yields positive results.
does that make me a masochist?
“dont you know that men are the new women? obsessed with weddings and children”
– in treatment
brother also told me i always seem to have a boyfriend. actually, brother, i usually have a boy, with whom i am smitten, who uses me for sex and money and as a cure for boredom when he has nothing better to do.
in fact, ive only had 5 real boyfriends ever and none of them lasted very long.
trust me, brother, my apparent plethora of relationships are nothing to be jealous of. its all smoke...
yesterday my brother told me i have to have kids whether i want to or not because he wants his future kids to have cousins.